Couples Counseling – Effective Communication

Couples Counseling, You Are Not Alone

San Diego Couples Counselor

So often couples fight the need to approach a couples counselor, thinking that they can do it on their own or that if their relationship needs a therapist they probably shouldn’t be in one in the first place. Well the truth is everyone in a relationship can benefit from couples counseling and should not be seeing as a terrible endeavor. It is naive to think that you will be able to go through a relationship without any struggles or obstacles. Even small things can lead to very serious issues if not attended. Because of this it is essential to constantly maintain a high level of communication. Through healthy communication you can build trust and a variety of other healthy relationship qualities. Below I have included some tips for effective communication for those who would like to try without the assistance of a couples therapist.

Staying Alive

Through my extensive work in couples counseling I have discovered that we often forget about level of communication needed in a relationship as it progresses forward. We are adapted for it when we first meet due to the prominence it plays in the beginning of a relationship. A high level of communication is forced as we get to know each other and navigate our level of interest in each other. However when that familiarity has been established we often disregard the need for a growing level of communication. Couples counseling helps to foster this communication and allow you a platform to effectively communicate your issues with each other. Acknowledging the need for communication is only part of the battle. It is also essential to approach the situation in a manner as to which will allow the other party to want to become involved as well.

Effective Couples Communication

So often conversations and feelings are lost simply through miscommunication. While ideas and thoughts may sound non threatening in your head, you need to consider how they are heard. Starting a serious conversation off with “We need to talk”, immediately puts the other party on the defensive. Once on the defensive, boarders are drawn and effective couples communication is very hard to achieve. At this point your partner is ready to combat you instead of listen.
In order to receive an open ear instead of a turned back, pay attention to both your visual and verbal communication triggers. Do not point your finger or stand above them as they sit. Engage in the conversation by using pronouns such as “we” or “I” instead of “you”. Do not approach the situation as if they are doing something wrong, but rather how the situation makes you feel and why.

Environment Friendly

Phrasing is not the only thing that needs to be considered. You must pay attention to the timing and environment you are in. If your significant other gets back from a hard day of work or has something large occupying their mind, it would be wise to pick another time. If you choose the wrong moment your partner may appear apathetic or angered by something that normally would be very important to them. This can actually make the problem at hand worse then rectifying it for the both of you. For this reason it is essential to make sure they are in a situation where they are focused and comfortable.
If you would like to strengthen your relationship and learn more about effective communication please contact me about couples counseling. Or read more couples counseling blogs on my site for further self-help .
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